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| Tuesday, September 11, 2007 |
| Nobody really wants to listen to my advice... |
I should learn that when someone calls me and starts asking my opinion about something that they really don't want my advice. They just want me to be quiet, listen to what they have to say, and then make positive, supportive and agreeable comments before ending the call.
My problem is I forget that people in my real life don't think as much about personal finance as I do (or have devoted two years of their lives blogging multiple times daily on the subject as I have). Which is why I sometimes find myself jumping in and spouting advice when finances enter the conversation.
I forget the rule that money can be mentioned, but really should not be discussed at length.
This morning I received a call in which a comment was made about the caller's husband having the bad habit of going to the store to pick up a few things (stuff that should cost no more than $10) and coming home with items off the list ($55 worth of stuff). This is a regular occurrence and the extra spending is really starting to drive her crazy - but with a new baby at home, she needs him to go to the store and pick those needed items up, but can't seem to get him to stick to the list.
This is where a simple "Yes, that is a shame, but I am sure you will work it out." kind of comment should have been my response. Instead I start launching into a discussion on budgets, tracking spending, and getting her husband involved with reports on household spending... Basically overwhelming her with information that she really does not need and did not ask for!
*Sigh*
Must remember not to let blogging world collide with real world again! |
| posted by Boston Gal @ 10:33 AM *
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| 16 Comments: |
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I would have just suggested that she have her husband stay home with the child while she shopped. That seems like the easy solution.
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I've tried that, my husband called 911 cause he thought the baby stopped breathing. I came home from the store with firetrucks outside and firemen having a good laugh inside.
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I agree with Scott, since she is more frugal budget conscious she should do the shopping.
Boston Gal, as a blogger I think we all tend to tell people we know about money. It is just in us. Blogging and reading about money everyday we cannot help but transfer it in the real world.
I tell my friends how I am paying off debt and taking on new goals...honestly they do not want to hear it.
I know in the future to keep my mouth shut!
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I agree with Scott, or I'd have said she should send him with cash only. Oh well, she knows who to talk to when she's ready for more advice!
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sometimes it's so easy to go into advice mode, and so hard to hold back!
the other posters have great suggestions, though!
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It seems the posters here have given you some unsolicited advice also, so you're certainly not the only one who does it.
My response to your post is merely a supportive, 'Yes, that is a shame, but I am sure you will work it out.'
Cheers :~)
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When I had a newborn, I used the peapod service from stop n'shop to order online and have it deleivered at home. I also ordered diapers online since that was what I usually ran out of. They have a minimum order that is $75 but that might be an option to daily or weekly shopping for her. And they only get what's on your list!
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It's not just money that they don't want advice on. Any complaining, I have found, is looking for a sympathetic ear and that is it. It has taken me lots longer to learn that.
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I have had similiar experiences. Sometimes people may not even be asking or talking about money, and I have to bite my tongue from giving unsolicited advice, however casually.
Like to the friend who makes $40K and who wants me to compliment her new $500 handbag. Or the acquaintence who still has her dad pay her rent at age 24 and still doesn't save a dime. Or the associate who doesn't have health insurance. *Sigh* If only I could always speak as freely as I can online!
On the other hand I think it's important not to hide our financial values/opinions. You don't have to give advice, but you can express your concern and/or your opposing viewpoint when necessary. In fact I think it's our duty; if more people talked openly about these issues there would be fewer people self-sabatoging their financials unknowingly, thinking that everyone handles money as they do.
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Thanks for the chuckle today! I have to remind myself all the time that people don't really want to get into financial discussions with me, because I'm sure they are bored 10 seconds into my talking, although I find myself very entertaining! :)
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Ah yes, I do that too. Especially since I started blogging. It's like verbal vomit when it comes to PF stuff and I have to hold myself back. lol!
Anyway, I've noticed that about people not wanting advice in general. Usually, I just repeat what they told me, and they're amazed at my insight. A therapist friend of mine told me about that trick. Works every time.
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Yes, isn't it weird when you forget that you're not supposed to be wearing your PF geek hat? I am trying to remember to take mine off when I step away from the computer.
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Happens to me as well, will just jump in and give some advice instead of just "listening".
As for the specific situation, sounds like he is shopping at a Costco...can not just buy one thing when you go there...happens to all of us. Suggestion would be to go together (perhaps when baby is sleeping, after a feeding) Good for the mom to go out as well.
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LMAO @ Henry!! He beat me to it.
*smh* I'm sure you'll do better next time.
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I find that people will listen to and use advice if it is something easy. They seem to want quick results with minimal effort.
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I've run into this problem a few times this year (paying down $50,000 in debt, tracking my expenses via quicken, paying a lot more attention to my money, budget, spending, etc.) I'm so excited about money/debt/budget/finances that I found myself giving advice/lecturing folks who had no/little interest.
So this is what I do now:
Friend #1 "I'm going on vacation to XYZ."
Friend #2 "Cool, I'm going to ABC, Sam where are you going on vacation this summer."
Me (Sam) "We're not taking a vacation this year b/c we are in the middle of paying off $50,000 in debt and then we'll be debt free (except for mortgage)."
Friend #1 "Wow, that's great, I wish I could pay of my debt."
Friend #2 "Me too, how in the world are you paying of $50,000 in debt in one year."
Me "If you really want to know, I'll tell you."
Then if friends are really interested in our plan I tell them b/c I want my friends (and family) to be debt free b/c I love and care about them, but I don't want to preach to people who really are not interested in the process. Yes they want to be debt free but they don't want to work the program (sounds like AA and it kind of is).
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I would have just suggested that she have her husband stay home with the child while she shopped. That seems like the easy solution.